What came first? Well we'll tell you...

The argument has long been posed: "what came first, the chicken or the egg?" Well we have recently (very recently) been discussing this very issue.


Over some tasty bitch asian soup, ideas were posed, opinions were made and the question was, we thought, finally answered. And we think you will be surprised with the answer.


It is not entirely clear how the subject came up in the first place, but one of us (not me) was hysterical with the simplicity of it all, but upon trying to convey this, found that she was unable to speak at all, for what I believe was laughing too much for the stupidity of her companions. I put a stop to this when I noticed the flaw...

A was of the opinion that some egg-laying animal layed some eggs one day, then out of one of the eggs popped a chicken. Therefore the egg came first, because chickens, being egg-laying animals, need to come from eggs themselves.

However, I cut her down to size when I came back with this insightful take on things:

Say that you know, four billion jillion years ago or whenever the fuck the dinosaurs existed, there was an animal that did not lay eggs. Like a monkey. Well suppose that said monkey somehow devolved into a chicken, then the chicken decided to start laying eggs. This would mean that the chicken came first.


Huzzah! Problem solved! But alas, no. All we seem to have done is to reiterate that there is no way to tell what came first. A was 100% set in her ways about the answer, but my superior logic ruined it all.


Although both of these theories seem to be rather unbelievable veiws of how chickens came into existence, one seems to be not too far from the truth.* Chickens, it seems, are direct descendants from velociraptors (yes, the scary fuck-off dinosaurs that can open doors and organise ways to kill you [refer to Jurassic Park for more information]).

So when the meteor was coming to smite them all, they thought: "shit! Better make ourselves more likely to survive the coming apocalypse" and so they devolved themsleves into chickens (I would have thought that this would take a long time...perhaps they were also psychic and could see the end of the dinosaurs thousands of years before any of the others). So when something that was somewhere btween a velociraptor and a chicken layed some eggs one day, the devolution was complete, and the first baby chicken was born.

So yes, I think it is safe to say that the egg came first. Or some shit. I seem to have lost track. Now all I can think of is that all the chickens of the world are sitting in wait, in preparation for the velocichicken revolution, when, I think it is safe to say that we are all going to be fucked, because lets face it, they probs aren't too happy about us killing and frying them, kentucky-style. I'd say that the vegetarians would be safe from the revolution, but they would be too weak to survive anyway**.

*Disclaimer: truthfulness in this case is debatable, this information having come from a person that said IN FULL SERIOUSNESS that yes, if I were to do 100 sit ups per day I would develop, and I quote: "very defined abs." Bullshit.

**No offence meant to vegetarians, but if push came to shove, we'd whoop your asses.